A Tale of the Lost Tail, Part II

Apparently lightening does strike twice! Ever since the first "incident," Gabby has done well with the rule of not taking her gerbils out without me there. I suppose it's my own fault as I didn't explicitly tell her that she shouldn't pull off their tails. I took for granted that this would be obvious to a 4 year old, especially given previous events. Gabby will put her hand in the cage and "pet" Sunny and Michael as they trembled in terror. We take them out every evening and play with them. This actually consists of me holding one of them as it poops in my hand and Gabby laughs. Gabby refuses to hold them herself as she has is afraid of breaking them. I naively thought I had nothing to worry about with Gabby hurting the gerbils again.

I thought all was well tonight. Gabby was bathed and in bed and I was enjoying an episode of Samantha Who. I hear the faint sounds of Gabby crying upstairs. I pause the show and can just make out Gabby crying, "My mommy is going to be so mad at me. I can't ever tell her what I've done!" I was actually hopeful that she'd let the gerbil out and it wasn't another bloody nub of a tail. I slowly climbed the stairs dreading a replay of events of June 13.

Gabby is sobbing under her blanket about breaking Sunny and me being mad. "Gabby, what happened?" I tried to ask as calmly as possible. "I broke Sunny! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to." I feared the worst, that Sunny was dead. I looked in the cage and Sunny was still in there and alive. "Gabby, what happened?" She tearfully answered, "I don't want you to be mad. I didn't mean to, but I broke Sunny's tail!" I asked, "Well, where is it?" Gabby was calming down and said, "I picked it up and threw it away in the trash."

I felt a small victory in that act by Gabby. Apparently, hiding my revulsion had paid off, leaving Gabby able to dispose of gerbil tails herself. I turned my face away from Gabby as the urge to laugh hysterically was growing stronger with my assessment of the situation. I was grateful to be suppressing laughter and not vomit with this second bout of broken tails. I angled to look at Sunny's tail and it appeared that only a quarter of it was missing rather than half of it like Michael. I still couldn't believe this had happened again.

Gabby asked if Sunny was ok. I told her I thought she would be. I also told her if she killed her gerbils, she wasn't getting new ones. Gabby said, "But Sunny will just chew it off and then she and Michael will be the same. She won't be dead, it's just a little broken. I am really sorry I broke Sunny, too." I went over the rule with the addendum that Gabby never touches the gerbils' tails. Michael doesn't have much tail left to grab, but Sunny unfortunately has enough tail left that can be further broken. Gabby has cried herself asleep again for breaking her pets. I'm just really glad she threw that tail away herself. And as Gabby managed to point out, at least they have broken tails together. And I pointed out that they can cower in the corner in terror together when Gabby approaches. If our life were a Pixar movie, Gabby would be the kid in Toy Story who mutilates his toys. Sunny and Michael have got view Gabby like that. Poor gerbils!

See, Sunny has lot more tail left than Michael.

Some Updates

The No Sugar Contest is over! Two weeks ago, we took out white or enriched flour to make it tougher. There 6 of us at that point. The flour thing really sucks. I've hated it! It took out so many options, especially eating out like I do. It was down to 3 of us today and we decided to call it and split the $260 pot. So I made $67 off the whole thing. I still haven't had any sugar. I'm too afraid to open that flood gate. The cravings are long gone and I'm not sure I want them back so who knows when I'll eat sugar again! I can't believe I made it 12 weeks. I'm really pleased with myself!

There's another thing that I'm really pleased about, my nails. I've been a nail biter as long as I can remember. When I was 19, I finally managed to stop biting them for a couple of years. Even when I wasn't biting them, I still kind of was and they would never grow long and pretty. When I bite my nails, I really bite them short, so much so that it would be painful. Yeah, not the best habit! I finally stopped biting them last October again. I feel like I've kicked the habit once and for all and my nails have never looked so good naturally!

I still think my hands are ugly. Pretty nails can only do so much!

Michael is doing great, but she cowers in the corner whenever we open the cage. Gabby is pleased being the boss of her gerbils. She took this shot.

I've also gotten back into running. It feels so great! I'm doing a 10k on Pioneer Day (July 24). I've never run a 10k before so that should be fun. I can't have the day off work, so I'll run the 6+ miles and then have to work all day. I'm not looking forward that part. I'm running the Provo Half-marathon in August as well. My expectations for that aren't too high as I can't devote as much time to training as I did 2 years ago. I'm usually able to work 2-3 runs in a week. I take Gabby to Nick's after work and run around his neighborhood. That's been working well and gives Nick and Gabby a bit more time together. Plus, I don't feel as guilty for running since she's with 1 parent. I take her to play with Madison and David sometimes, too. Still, my runs are going well and it's so nice to feel like I'm in half-way decent shape.

From the Mouth of Babes

Being a single mother can be overwhelming at times. Let's face it, being a mother at all is overwhelming. For me, it's a crazy juggling act trying to do and take care of it all and some days some of those balls get dropped for various reasons. I don't always feel like I'm doing the best job with Gabby and I especially worry about helping her develop a love and faith for Christ and his gospel. It's so hard to know if anything you do is actually hitting its mark and leaving an impression. And then suddenly, your child lets you know she's paying attention.



Our stake president spoke at church on Sunday. At the start of his talk, I had asked Gabby to color a picture mostly to get her off my lap and to give me a chance to focus on the speaker. Gabby seemed wholly engrossed with her picture and I was able to give my full attention to the stake president. Gabby had her back to the pulpit and was using the pew as a desk. President Linnell spoke about the recent and sudden death of his brother-in-law and the comfort that Christ, the plan of salvation, and temple brought to his sister and all of their family. It was a powerful message and testimony.



Just as he was ending his talk, Gabby turned around and looked at President Linnell and with a most disappointed tone exclaimed, "Ohhhhhhhh!" She turned back and buried her face in her hands. I asked her what was wrong. Gabby replied, "I thought that was Jesus speaking and I really wanted it to be him so I could see him. Mommy, is that what Jesus' voice would sound like?"



I was so stunned. And overwhelmed. I told her that I thought she would feel the same way she did then if Jesus had been speaking and it was the Holy Ghost who helped her feel like it was Jesus speaking. I was so grateful for the reminder that children are not as far removed from our heavenly home as we are. I was also reminded that they can pick up on more than we often expect. It's amazing how one moment like this makes all the difficult and discouraging times feel completely worth it.

A Tale of the Lost Tail

Gabby has been asking for a new pet, but has specifically excluded further fish. I've been giving her chores lately and told her she would have to earn her pet. I specified something small. Our good friends, the Nevers, have 2 gerbils. Gabby fell in love with them when we were last there. She's had her heart set on getting a gerbil. She's done well with her chores. Her chores range from putting her dirty clothes in the hamper, being polite, acknowledging that I am the boss, dusting, and picking up her toys and books.

I decided today would be a good day to get Gabby her new pet. Her sweet prayers for gerbils pushed me over my reservations. We had hamsters growing up for a few years. Twinkie lasted for at least a year, maybe two. I don't really like rodents now and it's hard to remember why I liked them so much when I was young. I can only think vermin. So Gabby and I went to Petsmart, picked out a cage, food and two gerbils. They're both female. Sunny is the white one and Michael is the gray one. Gabby chose both names. She has been thrilled with her new pets. David and Madison came over to meet Sunny and Michaela and were just as impressed.

I gave Gabby one rule for her gerbils, that she never takes them out of the cage unless I'm there. I thought I was clear enough with her and that she understood. We moved the cage to her room after Maddy and David left. I was downstairs when I heard blood-curdling screams coming from Gabby. I assumed that she'd gotten a gerbil out and he escaped. I come into Gabby's room and she's screaming, "Gerbil, gerbil, come back. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!" Michael had escaped. I wasn't too worried about capturing her, she actually was trying to get back in the cage. Then Gabby wailed, "Mommy, I broke her tail. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to break her tail."

With great trepidation, I look at Michael's tail and sure enough, about half of it was gone. My stomach lurched in revulsion as I saw the other half of her tail on the floor. My initial instinct was to was to run screaming and crying from the room and let Gabby deal with her own mess. I didn't think I signed up for cleaning up broken off gerbil tails when I bought them. Their tails grossed me out attached to their bodies. I took a deep breath, remembered that I was on my own and couldn't imagine who I could call to pick a gerbil tail off the floor. That kind of phone call would be more awkward than the actual act. I also don't want to pass my revulsion and squeamishness to Gabby and she was hysterical enough without me adding to it. I put on a brave face and I grabbed Michael and shoved her as delicately as I could back in the cage. I swear Michael gave a great sigh of relief to have a barrier between her and Gabby.

I grabbed the tail off the floor and summoned all of my will power to not scream as I ran it to the trash. I decided to just grab it with my bare hands before I had time to think much about it and lose my nerve. I scrubbed my hands, but the utter revulsion wouldn't be washed away with soap and water. I finally turned to my hysterical child who had not ceased her lamentations or apologies throughout my ordeal.

"Gabby, why did you take Michael out of the cage and how did you break her tail?" Unfortunately, my tone was too harsh and she cried even harder. She finally managed to reply, "It was an accident. I love Michael so much. I didn't want to hurt her and now I broke my pet!" The wailing recommenced at an even louder level. It was one of those moments as a mother that tears your heart in two. Part of me was angry and upset that she'd broken the one rule in less than 10 minutes. That part was also completely incredulous of just how she broke the tail. The other part only wanted to comfort and soothe especially as one myself who is so accident-prone. I decided to make sure that she understood first that I had made the rule for a reason of which she now had ample appreciation.

I didn't press the point too much as it was clear Gabby's heart was just as broken as the tail was. I began comforting her and showing her that Michael seemed to be alright. Poor Michael. She was actually cowering in the corner of the cage in complete gerbil shock. I hoped her memory would be as short as her tail now was. Gabby was difficult to soothe. As soon as I thought she was coming round, she'd repeat, "I broke Michael's tail. I am so, so sorry I broke my pet!" She eventually cried herself to sleep.

The bloody nub of tail Gabby left for Michael. She still hasn't been able to tell me just how she broke it. I surmise that she was holding her and knew she was breaking the rule. Either when Michael was trying to escape or when Gabby was trying to capture Michael, her adrenaline kicked in and she just pulled too hard. I suppose it could happen to anyone. I take that back, this could only happen to me and Gabby. I've never heard of a little girl breaking a gerbil tail off. Lizards, yes. Gerbils, no. That's how the lady at the store got them out of the cage, she picked them up by the tail. Seriously, who would have thought? I'm also at the point to really laugh about it. I just have to gag a bit first.

The other half of the tail is there on the right. That's not a small bit of tail. Poor Gabby. Imagine the horror she felt to only have half a tail between her fingers and her gerbil escaped!

Sunny and Michael before the Horror.

Oquirrh Mountain Temple

One of my favorite things about living in Utah is easy access to so many temples. Here's a link that explains about temples for those who may not be familiar: http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/membership-in-christ-s-church/temples-and-family-history

In Little Rock, we went to the Memphis Temple which was a 3 hour drive one way. There are 3 open temples here in this valley alone, the furthest being 30 minutes away. The Oquirrh Mountain Temple is the 4th once it's dedicated in August. Before being dedicated, temples are open to the public. Gabby and I, the Torgersons, and the Baileys went on Saturday. Gabby was excited to go to the temple. I've explained to her that it's Jesus' house and we go to learn about Him and make promises with Him. Gabby only understood that it was His house and she was hoping to see Jesus. I told her there would be lots of pictures of Christ, but it was unlikely we would meet Him. She enjoyed seeing the beautiful paintings and was good on the tour. She didn't say too much about it when I asked her what she thought about it. She saved it for her prayer last night. Here it is as best I can quote it:

"Dear Heavenly Father, I love Jesus so much. I think He's sweet and handsome. Thank you for letting me see His house. I'm sorry He wasn't there, but I liked all the pictures. Thank you for helping me be a good girl. I love my mommy. I love my daddy. I love my toys. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

That is the longest prayer she's ever given on her own and it really touched my heart. I think going to a temple meant something to Gabby.

Me and Gabby after seeing the temple

Pam and me. The Torg's kids had reached their limit so we missed pictures with them.

Gabby and Madison seemed most impressed with the fountain.

I had the opportunity to volunteer for the Open House today. I took the day off work to volunteer from 11-4. I stood at the sealing rooms ushering people in and out only with a smile and extended hand. I really enjoyed myself. I was surprised how many people came through on a Monday afternoon. Even though my feet hurt at the end of the day and my tummy was growling, it's not often that I have 5 such peaceful hours. Temples are so quiet even with people touring it and I found much to occupy my mind.

Temples are built with the best material and craftmanship. They are magnificent on the inside and out. Admiration for the beauty of the building was written on almost every face I saw. I thought about all that I've learned by going to the temple. When I'm there, I admire the beauty and work that goes into such a building, but my thoughts are more often brought to admire the beauty and wonder of what God has done with His hands. I'm so grateful to know that there is such a divine purpose to this life, a plan for happiness. I wish more people could admire and see the beauty of life and God's plan as easily as they admire a beautifully constructed building. Even as hard and heartbreaking as life can be, knowing that there is a plan and purpose to it and what that plan entails makes life just happier day to day. Atleast for me.

The Baileys Come to Utah!

The Baileys decided to try their luck in Utah and arrived Tuesday night. Gabby and I are thrilled to have more family out here.

Gabby, Madison, and David got down to business right away with a tea party

Gabby, David, and Maggie watching for the Baileys out the front window

Maggie is a quirky little girl (I guess it runs in the family!). Her new thing is to suck on her fingers on her right hand and then stick a finger on the left hand up her nose. Apparently, she finds it very relaxing. I find it hilarious and endearing.

The arrival. I can't believe what they fit in the back of their truck. Gabby is very happy to have her bff so close. She wants to live with the Torgersons, too, and is trying to convince me there is plenty of room. I think the Torgs and Baileys would beg to differ. I've promised Gabby that her and Maddy can have lots of sleepovers and will see each other plenty. She seems content with that for now.