Putt-Putt!

I took Gabby miniature golfing for the first time today. She was so excited to go all weekend. She was very concerned about having the right clothes for golfing. Being a sneaky mom at times, I told her she had to wear this skirt since she's always refused to wear it any other time. She's awfully opinionated about her clothes sometimes.

Gabby doing the Happy Gilmore.

Gabby is a very difficult child to teach. She refuses assistance of any kind and insists on doing things her way. She did pretty good. If she couldn't get the ball in the hole, she wasn't above using her hands. It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed getting out in the sunshine.

Gabby was taking more pictures today. I thought this was hilarious, Gabby's view when she looks down at her feet!

Gabby's unique way of golfing. She definitely doesn't lack for exuberance.

Pictures by Gabby

Gabby spent about 30 minutes taking pictures the other day. Her favorite subject to photograph were her toys. She really enjoyed looking at all the pictures. She took about 60 and so I thought I'd post a few. Aren't digital cameras just the best? They're so great for kids to experiment with and you don't have to worry about wasting a thing. How did we survive so long on antiquated film?

This is Barky, formerly known as Puppy. Marji bought him for Gabby for some occasion I can't recall. Gabby only named him Barky today, I'm still calling him Puppy, though. Puppy went everywhere with Gabby for a while. I had hopes at one point that Puppy would supplant my hair. Those hopes were dashed long ago as Puppy is mostly relegated to the toy chest. She'll pull him out every so often and reminisce over good times.

Orange Beak and Care Bear. Orange Beak did dream about flying, but wasn't satisfied with the experience. Gabby has since told him she will work with him on learning to fly, cautioning him that he may get hurt. Orange Beak is on board despite the warning. My baby brother Gabe gave Gabby Care Bear when she was born. He delights in giving newborns gianormous toys.

Gabby had me pose for a few pictures. She's specific in what look I should give to the camera. This was my "pretty smile."

Another Care Bear, I gave this one to Gabby Easter 2008.

Blue. Gabby's favorite show has always been Blue's Clues. I don't mind it. There are definitely more annoying shows out there, like Barney or Teletubbies which Gabby unfortunately enjoys as well. We acquired Blue from the Little Rock Airport last year after a pre-dawn meltdown. She was well worth peace and quiet she brought on the flight home.

Gabby's Solution

While I was putting Gabby to bed tonight, she requested I surprise her with a stuffed animal from her playroom. I grabbed her penguin from the top of the toy box and brought it to her. She was excited for her penguin and gave him the name of Orange Beak as he hadn't yet been named. She preceded to have an interesting discussion with Orange Beak about his inability to fly. Orange Beak's voice is slightly deeper than Gabby's. It went something like this:

Orange Beak: Oh, Gabby I wish I could fly!

Gabby: Well, you're a penguin and penguins can't fly. Penguins are really good swimmers. Don't you want to swim?

Orange Beak: Well, swimming is OK, but I really want to fly!

Gabby: I have an idea, you can dream about flying! You should go to sleep and dream about flying.

Orange Beak: But I want to really fly!

Gabby: Well, it will be great for you to fly in your dreams. You'll like it. Penguins can only swim so you'll just have to dream about flying.

Orange Beak: Well, I guess I can try that.

Me: OK, it's time for prayers.

Gabby: Orange Beak will say his prayer first. Make sure you say it right Orange Beak. You have to be good to have good dreams about flying, OK?

Orange Beak: Dear Heavenly Father, I love my Gabby and Trish, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Gabby: That was a nice prayer, now it's my turn. Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for my mommy, thank you for my penguin, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. Oh no! Mommy, I didn't say it right. He's not penguin, he's Orange Beak.

Gabby said the prayer again with Orange Beak's name. Gabby then instructed me to pray with the admonition that I pray for Orange Beak.

Gabby and Orange Beak

I'm eager to find out if Orange Beak was able to dream about flying and if he found Gabby's solution acceptable by the morning. This made me so nostaligic for the lengthy discussions I used to have with my dolls and stuffed animals!

A Thing of Beauty

Well, two things of beauty. Gabby wanted to take pictures this morning before church. Isn't she beautiful? I'm loving the weather now. I hate Utah winters, but this time of year is just so pleasant. The heat here doesn't bother me in the least. Heat without humidity is easily enjoyable. The evenings are so cool and pleasant. I love walking to church with Gabby on Sundays. She's really interested in birds right now. Her favorite bird is a robin red breast. She's very determined on catching one. She seems to think it is within my power to catch a bird. There is much to admire and discuss on our walks.



The second thing of beauty, my new grill!

I don't know how I've made it this long without a grill! I kept meaning to get one, but it just didn't happen. I decided to treat myself to one for Mother's Day. It was slightly more complicated getting it to my house than I planned, but home I got it. I've put it to good use so far. I forgot how much better everything taste when it's grilled.

I Love Being A Mother!

Growing up, one thing I always knew that I wanted to be was a mother. I'd change from other things from wanting to be a muscle woman to a teacher, but my desire to be a mother was constant. Being a mom is better and harder than I imagined. It's really difficult to keep a straight face. I think that's been one of the biggest surprises, how often I want to laugh when I should be firm and disciplined. Gabby gets onto me about laughing at some of the things she does. I thought I'd share a few memorable experiences as a mother that I hadn't yet to blog.

Gabby laughed for the first time December 16, 2004. I was working full time and Pam was watching Gabby. I dropped Gabby off at 7am and would pick up no later than 6pm. On this day, I was taking a CPR class and didn't pick her up until after 9. I walked into get Gabby. I was telling her that her cousin Thomas had been born and she just started laughing. I don't know if she was laughing because she was so happy to see me or if she knew something about Thomas we didn't. It was the best sound ever!

Potty training Gabby took about a year. I started at 2 and finished at 3. We were traveling a great deal and moved during that year and there was always something to get in the way of being consistent. I finally got serious about it when Gabby was 3. I talked with Gabby aboutpeepee and poopoo going in the potty. She seemed receptive. Things seemed to be going well. For 2 days in a row, Gabby was pooping in the toilet all on her own. She liked her privacy and always shut the door. She'd call me to the bathroom and only show me the end result, that ofpoopoo being in the potty. She'd always strip down out of her clothes and had made a mess, but progress was being made. I'd clap, sing a song, hug and congratulate her. I couldn't believe how well it was going.

Then I walked into the bathroom during the act. Gabby had her pull-up in hand and was shaking the poop out of the pull-up into the toilet. I asked, "Gabby, what are you doing?" Gabby answered, "Poopoo goes in the toilet." It suddenly all made sense. Potty-training was not going as well as I'd thought. Gabby understood the spirit of it, but still needed help with the doing. I didn't know whether to be discouraged or proud of her creativity. I chose the latter.

When Gabby was 2 1/2. Nick and I were saying prayers with her before bed. Gabby had (still does) a tendency to get silly during her prayers. She'll try to say them in goofy voices. She wasn't cooperative and we'd asked her several times to say her prayer the right way. Finally, Nick gave her a swat on the bottom, telling her to act right and say her prayer reverently. Gabby's bottom lip began to quiver. I could see the little wheels in her head turning and was curious to know what she was thinking. She stood up on her bed, pointed her finger at Nick and said with great dignity and certainty, "No, Daddy! You don't hit! Hitting is not nice. You don't hit! You need to tell me you're sorry." She stared him the eye completely sure that she was right and an apology would be forthcoming.

I grabbed a pillow and buried my face into it and burst with laughter. Nick was struggling to maintain a straight face as well as he tried to explain the difference between spanking and hitting to a 2 year old repeating the mantra that you don't hit because it's not nice.

For Christmas 2005, I had made several different treats for my friends and neighbors and used M&M's for one of them. M&M's are Gabby's favorite. I had left the bag on the counter thinking they would be safe. We had a small breakfast table with chairs in the kitchen. I walked into the kitchen to see my 15 month old had pushed a chair to the counter for the first time and was shoving M&M's into her mouth. She turned around and looked at me and registered that her gorging on candy would soon be at an end. She turned back to the counter and with renewed frenzy, utilized both hands to cram as many M&M's into her mouth as possible. I could only laugh at her ingenuity and determination!

Being a mom is unlike any other experience. There is so much that I love about it. I love being Gabby's mother. She is such a special, unique person and I feel so fortunate to get to experience her from the very beginning.

One of my favorite pictures of Gabby. Spring 2005.

Living Single...

...can be incredibly interesting, but it's mostly boring. I love it though. I seriously love being single. I love being alone. It's not without its trials or annoyances in this couple-oriented world, but I've never been this consistently happy day after day. I love being in control of all aspects of my life and not having to answer or explain anything to anyone except those I choose. I just enjoy being me. I genuinely like who I am. I'm quite aware of my many flaws and faults but they're not nearly as troubling or overwhelming without anyone around to continually remind me of them.

I can't say that I necessarily love dating. I have dated. It's mostly the same as it was way back when other than it's harder to meet people and it involves copious amounts of texting. The biggest change for me is I don't really care if I'm liked or not. Before being divorced, I would care if a guy liked me even if I wasn't interested. Now even if I'm interested, I'm not at all bothered if the guy isn't. It actually makes more sense to me when there is a lack of interest. I get that. I don't always get why someone is interested in me. I'm working on not being quite so suspicious of men who are interested in me. I've come to terms with the fact that liking me does not make one crazy (though I'm sure there are many who would disagree). For a while, anytime I was complimented by a man, no matter his status, I attributed the compliment to either he was making fun of me or he pitied me. I sometimes still think that way.

I half-joke, but I'm half-serious that I'm dead inside. I hope that I'm not actually dead inside, that it's just a matter of the right spark to get me to care and want more. It's just so much easier to imagine my life with me never getting married again. It's so easy to imagine me being happy with that as well. I get the feeling though, that a lot of people just don't buy that. Some of my dear family and friends seem so eager for me to find someone, I think mostly because they think that will mean I'm really alright and I'll really be happy. I just don't feel like there is some great void by being single. I grew so accustomed to doing things on my own during my marriage and even more so over the last year, it would be a major adjustment to involve someone else in my life. It's just not that appealing to me now.

What I struggle with is that I'm not sure if me being single is what God wants for me or has planned for me. So I remain open to the possibility that I may be 'blessed' that way, but I live and plan my life as if I won't. I put myself out there as much as I can, but my heart's not all that into it. I have friends who were divorced and remarried within the year and it blows my mind. Many made that prediction for me. I wish I could say that I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not!

I feel so happy and blessed with my life now, it's hard to want much more. I have such great family and friends who I really love and enjoy. Being a mother to Gabby can be challenging, but it's so fulfilling. She is so full of love and affection. I'm so fortunate to have a good job to meet our needs and many of our wants. So for me, living single has been fantastic!

Did She Really Just Say That?

I decided to give my testimony at church today. Gabby has been asking for while if she can go to the pulpit and impart more of her wisdom. She was thrilled when I said I was going up there. If I'd planned on giving my testimony before church, I may have talked with Gabby about what a testimony is and isn't. I didn't and had to take my chances. I told Gabby that she should say something about Jesus. I don't want to be a parent who feeds a child their testimony. If Gabby's going to talk, she should just say what's in her heart. Gabby whispered she wanted to tell a story and I told her she had to talk about Jesus.

I lift Gabby up to the microphone at the pulpit. She moves her mouth as close as she can and says, "Well, I think Jesus is really handsome."

Game over! I say, "Say amen, Gabby. SAY AMEN! AMEN!" She was trying to say more, but I decided that was quite enough. Besides, I didn't want her teaching false doctrine to the entire congregation as she had to the Primary when she gave her talk in January.

I gave my testimony with Gabby dancing and making silly faces by my side. When I finished, she asked if she could talk again. I declined and had to drag her out of the chapel. I will add that Gabby is really intrigued whether or not girls are pretty and boys are handsome. So for her to think that Jesus is handsome means she thinks highly of him and approves.

Why am I posting pictures of my scriptures? They were on my mind last night. Indulge me!

The set on the left I bought myself when I was 15 on a temple trip to Dallas. They were my 2nd set. I'm not sure what became of the 1st set I got when I was 8. Anyway, I used them through 3 years of early morning seminary, 3 years of religion classes at BYU and up through most of 2005. They are incredibly dear to me. They are highlighted, filled with post-it notes of quotations, and many of the margins are filled with my thoughts. There are several pages stained with my tears. The cover and binding have been super glued back on several times. There are pages that fall out and others that are torn. They even helped prevent an injury once when I was in a bike wreck. I had them in my backpack and they absorbed the impact as I went flying into the street. I learned so much getting lost in the pages and they helped form who I am. You can see how worn they became. They were definitely the best thing I bought during my teens.

I love my new set and have formed an attachment to them over the few years I've put them to use. They're a little more organized. I use certain colors to highlight for different things and its margins are slowly being being filled with new thoughts. There are tear-stained pages as well. I still come back to the old set sometimes though. I'm not the best at memorizing chapter and verse of the scriptures and quoting them verbatim. But I still know them. I know where a verse is by the color I've marked it, if the page is torn, or if it has a post-note by it, and the side of the page it's on. When I first got my new set, it was hard to study from them and find the verses I had in mind as quickly.

I'm teaching Gospel Principles now. I was laughing at myself yesterday as I prepared my lesson as I had to have both sets out to study and prepare. I would read the same verses from each set to see what I noted 10 years ago versus 1 year ago. The scriptures are such a miracle to me, how the exact same words can mean such different things at different times, how different words and themes jump off the page. I'm just so grateful to have them and that there's always something new to learn from them. I'm enjoying wearing out my new set and finding new meaning in them.