I Love Being A Mother!

Growing up, one thing I always knew that I wanted to be was a mother. I'd change from other things from wanting to be a muscle woman to a teacher, but my desire to be a mother was constant. Being a mom is better and harder than I imagined. It's really difficult to keep a straight face. I think that's been one of the biggest surprises, how often I want to laugh when I should be firm and disciplined. Gabby gets onto me about laughing at some of the things she does. I thought I'd share a few memorable experiences as a mother that I hadn't yet to blog.

Gabby laughed for the first time December 16, 2004. I was working full time and Pam was watching Gabby. I dropped Gabby off at 7am and would pick up no later than 6pm. On this day, I was taking a CPR class and didn't pick her up until after 9. I walked into get Gabby. I was telling her that her cousin Thomas had been born and she just started laughing. I don't know if she was laughing because she was so happy to see me or if she knew something about Thomas we didn't. It was the best sound ever!

Potty training Gabby took about a year. I started at 2 and finished at 3. We were traveling a great deal and moved during that year and there was always something to get in the way of being consistent. I finally got serious about it when Gabby was 3. I talked with Gabby aboutpeepee and poopoo going in the potty. She seemed receptive. Things seemed to be going well. For 2 days in a row, Gabby was pooping in the toilet all on her own. She liked her privacy and always shut the door. She'd call me to the bathroom and only show me the end result, that ofpoopoo being in the potty. She'd always strip down out of her clothes and had made a mess, but progress was being made. I'd clap, sing a song, hug and congratulate her. I couldn't believe how well it was going.

Then I walked into the bathroom during the act. Gabby had her pull-up in hand and was shaking the poop out of the pull-up into the toilet. I asked, "Gabby, what are you doing?" Gabby answered, "Poopoo goes in the toilet." It suddenly all made sense. Potty-training was not going as well as I'd thought. Gabby understood the spirit of it, but still needed help with the doing. I didn't know whether to be discouraged or proud of her creativity. I chose the latter.

When Gabby was 2 1/2. Nick and I were saying prayers with her before bed. Gabby had (still does) a tendency to get silly during her prayers. She'll try to say them in goofy voices. She wasn't cooperative and we'd asked her several times to say her prayer the right way. Finally, Nick gave her a swat on the bottom, telling her to act right and say her prayer reverently. Gabby's bottom lip began to quiver. I could see the little wheels in her head turning and was curious to know what she was thinking. She stood up on her bed, pointed her finger at Nick and said with great dignity and certainty, "No, Daddy! You don't hit! Hitting is not nice. You don't hit! You need to tell me you're sorry." She stared him the eye completely sure that she was right and an apology would be forthcoming.

I grabbed a pillow and buried my face into it and burst with laughter. Nick was struggling to maintain a straight face as well as he tried to explain the difference between spanking and hitting to a 2 year old repeating the mantra that you don't hit because it's not nice.

For Christmas 2005, I had made several different treats for my friends and neighbors and used M&M's for one of them. M&M's are Gabby's favorite. I had left the bag on the counter thinking they would be safe. We had a small breakfast table with chairs in the kitchen. I walked into the kitchen to see my 15 month old had pushed a chair to the counter for the first time and was shoving M&M's into her mouth. She turned around and looked at me and registered that her gorging on candy would soon be at an end. She turned back to the counter and with renewed frenzy, utilized both hands to cram as many M&M's into her mouth as possible. I could only laugh at her ingenuity and determination!

Being a mom is unlike any other experience. There is so much that I love about it. I love being Gabby's mother. She is such a special, unique person and I feel so fortunate to get to experience her from the very beginning.

One of my favorite pictures of Gabby. Spring 2005.

Living Single...

...can be incredibly interesting, but it's mostly boring. I love it though. I seriously love being single. I love being alone. It's not without its trials or annoyances in this couple-oriented world, but I've never been this consistently happy day after day. I love being in control of all aspects of my life and not having to answer or explain anything to anyone except those I choose. I just enjoy being me. I genuinely like who I am. I'm quite aware of my many flaws and faults but they're not nearly as troubling or overwhelming without anyone around to continually remind me of them.

I can't say that I necessarily love dating. I have dated. It's mostly the same as it was way back when other than it's harder to meet people and it involves copious amounts of texting. The biggest change for me is I don't really care if I'm liked or not. Before being divorced, I would care if a guy liked me even if I wasn't interested. Now even if I'm interested, I'm not at all bothered if the guy isn't. It actually makes more sense to me when there is a lack of interest. I get that. I don't always get why someone is interested in me. I'm working on not being quite so suspicious of men who are interested in me. I've come to terms with the fact that liking me does not make one crazy (though I'm sure there are many who would disagree). For a while, anytime I was complimented by a man, no matter his status, I attributed the compliment to either he was making fun of me or he pitied me. I sometimes still think that way.

I half-joke, but I'm half-serious that I'm dead inside. I hope that I'm not actually dead inside, that it's just a matter of the right spark to get me to care and want more. It's just so much easier to imagine my life with me never getting married again. It's so easy to imagine me being happy with that as well. I get the feeling though, that a lot of people just don't buy that. Some of my dear family and friends seem so eager for me to find someone, I think mostly because they think that will mean I'm really alright and I'll really be happy. I just don't feel like there is some great void by being single. I grew so accustomed to doing things on my own during my marriage and even more so over the last year, it would be a major adjustment to involve someone else in my life. It's just not that appealing to me now.

What I struggle with is that I'm not sure if me being single is what God wants for me or has planned for me. So I remain open to the possibility that I may be 'blessed' that way, but I live and plan my life as if I won't. I put myself out there as much as I can, but my heart's not all that into it. I have friends who were divorced and remarried within the year and it blows my mind. Many made that prediction for me. I wish I could say that I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not!

I feel so happy and blessed with my life now, it's hard to want much more. I have such great family and friends who I really love and enjoy. Being a mother to Gabby can be challenging, but it's so fulfilling. She is so full of love and affection. I'm so fortunate to have a good job to meet our needs and many of our wants. So for me, living single has been fantastic!

Did She Really Just Say That?

I decided to give my testimony at church today. Gabby has been asking for while if she can go to the pulpit and impart more of her wisdom. She was thrilled when I said I was going up there. If I'd planned on giving my testimony before church, I may have talked with Gabby about what a testimony is and isn't. I didn't and had to take my chances. I told Gabby that she should say something about Jesus. I don't want to be a parent who feeds a child their testimony. If Gabby's going to talk, she should just say what's in her heart. Gabby whispered she wanted to tell a story and I told her she had to talk about Jesus.

I lift Gabby up to the microphone at the pulpit. She moves her mouth as close as she can and says, "Well, I think Jesus is really handsome."

Game over! I say, "Say amen, Gabby. SAY AMEN! AMEN!" She was trying to say more, but I decided that was quite enough. Besides, I didn't want her teaching false doctrine to the entire congregation as she had to the Primary when she gave her talk in January.

I gave my testimony with Gabby dancing and making silly faces by my side. When I finished, she asked if she could talk again. I declined and had to drag her out of the chapel. I will add that Gabby is really intrigued whether or not girls are pretty and boys are handsome. So for her to think that Jesus is handsome means she thinks highly of him and approves.

Why am I posting pictures of my scriptures? They were on my mind last night. Indulge me!

The set on the left I bought myself when I was 15 on a temple trip to Dallas. They were my 2nd set. I'm not sure what became of the 1st set I got when I was 8. Anyway, I used them through 3 years of early morning seminary, 3 years of religion classes at BYU and up through most of 2005. They are incredibly dear to me. They are highlighted, filled with post-it notes of quotations, and many of the margins are filled with my thoughts. There are several pages stained with my tears. The cover and binding have been super glued back on several times. There are pages that fall out and others that are torn. They even helped prevent an injury once when I was in a bike wreck. I had them in my backpack and they absorbed the impact as I went flying into the street. I learned so much getting lost in the pages and they helped form who I am. You can see how worn they became. They were definitely the best thing I bought during my teens.

I love my new set and have formed an attachment to them over the few years I've put them to use. They're a little more organized. I use certain colors to highlight for different things and its margins are slowly being being filled with new thoughts. There are tear-stained pages as well. I still come back to the old set sometimes though. I'm not the best at memorizing chapter and verse of the scriptures and quoting them verbatim. But I still know them. I know where a verse is by the color I've marked it, if the page is torn, or if it has a post-note by it, and the side of the page it's on. When I first got my new set, it was hard to study from them and find the verses I had in mind as quickly.

I'm teaching Gospel Principles now. I was laughing at myself yesterday as I prepared my lesson as I had to have both sets out to study and prepare. I would read the same verses from each set to see what I noted 10 years ago versus 1 year ago. The scriptures are such a miracle to me, how the exact same words can mean such different things at different times, how different words and themes jump off the page. I'm just so grateful to have them and that there's always something new to learn from them. I'm enjoying wearing out my new set and finding new meaning in them.

Bloggers Block!

Sometimes a girl just doesn't know what to blog about! Gabby and I are keeping busy as always. I'm rocking the No Sugar Contest. It's been 17 days now. I've gotta say, I may never eat sugar again. I've lost 5 or 6 pounds and my wardrobe expands as the weight goes down. I was eating a lot of junk and if I can't eat sugar, I just don't eat. Who'd have thought it? Only 3 people have caved so far, but I'm in it for the long haul. I do dream about eating sugar. I had the most wonderful dream about eating Fruity Pebbles (my favorite!). When I woke up, I was upset that I lost the challenge and had to go check to make sure I didn't actually have Fruity Pebbles in my house, the dream was that real. I really miss chocolate. It's really empowering, though, to be able to maintain this self-control. I had my doubts about myself if few of you did!

The past couple of Saturdays, Gabby has been putting on makeup with me. I really love having a daughter. I remember when I was Gabby's age how much I loved playing in my mom's makeup. It's great making these memories with Gabby. Notice her eye and forhead on her left. Gabby inherited my grace. She ran into a tree at school. She was looking behind her as she was running, but that's definitely something I would do! We have matching legs as well, covered in bruises!

So here's my new do! I got it done Monday and I like it. It's fun and different for me. Gabby took this shot as well. She's a funny photographer. This was the first shot. She directed me to make my best goofy face on the second. On the third, she suggested I give my best laugh for the camera. She keeps me entertained!

Happy Easter!

The weather reports kept saying that today would be yucky. I was thrilled to wake up to the glorious sunshine! Gabby and I walked to church to make the most of the sun.

Gabby posing in her pretty dress

Gabby's silly face

My silly face in my new dress. Gabby did a good job taking this picture.

Davids's britches were a little big for him. They kept falling down and he just kept right on going!

Gabby's Easter stash

We love Cousins!

The hunt!

The No Sugar Contest

Some of my co-workers decided to have a no sugar contest. Everyone who participates gives $20 to a pot, the last one standing gets the money. Well, 2nd and 3rd place get their $20 back. I am a candy junky! I have quite the sweet tooth. At work, I have drawer solely devoted to candy and treats that I munch on all day. I also I have candy jar. I'd been contemplating cutting out some of my sugar intake and this contest seemed like a good time and the kick in the butt I needed. There are 14 of us competing. The contest began on Monday. Natural sugars in fruit and such are ok; basically it's all the junk that's cut out.

Here's a picture of some of my uneaten stash. It calls my name every evening! The times I most crave sugar are after lunch and dinner. I made quite the habit of having something sweet after meals. I just love candy! I love desserts! I'm a total stress eater, too. Especially chocolate. I really wanted some chocolate this afternoon! This is a good challenge for me. I gave up sugar once before about 6 years ago and I think I made it 2 weeks. The other hard part is Gabby. I'm accustomed to sampling a bite of the treats I give her without thinking about it. I'm on Day 3 now and I find that I'd rather not eat or snack if it's not sweet so I may even drop a few pounds depending on how long I go! One colleague is already out, so I only have 12 more to beat!

I thought I'd offer a contest to my dear followers. Put your guess as to how long I'll make it without sugar in a comment. If you live in the area, I'll make you a pie or cheesecake (I've been told I make delicious ones!) . If you don't, I'll figure something sweet to send you! If I win, I'm keeping the money for me! Honestly, I have no idea how long this can go on or what would cause me to succumb to temptation. The co-workers not doing the contest rather enjoy tempting us with delicious banned treats. If I'm the last gal standing, I'll probably end up treating myself to some Coldstone goodness. Mmmm, ice cream. Sigh!

Dallas and Austin

Though the circumstances were unwelcome, Gabby and I were both glad to go see our family. I hadn't seen my aunts, uncles, and cousins in over 4 years so I really glad to see them again. I have so many happy and fun memories of going to Austin to my grandparents' house. I'm glad Gabby is old enough to hopefully retain some memory of it.

Gabby and I flew to Dallas Tuesday morning. Gabby is going through a phase of speaking whatever comes to mind. Our flight to Dallas was full and a man sat down next to me. Gabby asked me who he was and why he was sitting by me. I told her the plane was full and someone had to sit by me. She leaned forward, looked the man up and down, and said, "I don't like him, Mommy. I don't want you talking to him." Fortunately, the stranger thought it was hilarious and wasn't at all offended. How do you teach a child self-censoring? Gabby is also intrigued by determine and defining the differences between men and women. She asked why a man (sitting right by me in the airport) had long hair like girls. He immediately stood up and walked away. It's an entertaining phase!

Grandpa B's casket was open prior to the funeral beginning and Gabby and I went to it to pay our respects. I had explained to Gabby he had died. Gabby said, "But Mommy, I don't want him to be dead. How can we make it so he's not dead?" I explained in as simple of terms as possible that was why Jesus lived, so that we could all have new bodies one day and not be dead, but we would have to wait a while for that to happen. She seemed satisfied with the answer. At the burial, one of the ministers was an older man with white hair like Grandpa B's. When Gabby saw him standing there, she exclaimed to me, "Look, Grandpa's not dead anymore! Jesus did it!" The faith of a child!

Gabby, Madison, Adabelle, Kaylee, Matthew, and Thomas loved all the cousin-time.

Gabby and Thomas playing hopscotch in the backyard

Here are all but 2 of the great-grand children. Jen was able to travel without David and Maggie and I think really enjoyed her kid-free time. There are only 4 non-DeVauxs in the bunch

Madison and Gabby.

I love my grandparent's house. It has the coolest landscaping. They live West Lake hills in Austin. There are all these paths around their house and it always felt like such an adventure to explore them. It was fun watching Gabby and her cousins discover and enjoy them.

There was a fantastic thunderstorm just as we were leaving Austin. I LOVE storms. Utah doesn't get too many thunderstorms so I was glad to have one while I was there. There was even a rainbow afterwards.

Marji and Jim were moving to a new house. Originally, Jen and I planned on flying home from Dallas on Sunday. We realized we were a bit in the way and were able to switch our flights to fly from Little Rock. We rode back with Pam Thursday night. There were 6 of us and 5 seat belts so we doubled up Gabby and Madison. Gabby feel asleep quickly and Madison was pretending to sleep in this picture.

She finally went to sleep and I thought they were so cute sleeping together.

Madison and Gabby, still BFF!